The Circle of Life

     Dear Abby Fool, 

My husband and I are child-free thirtysomethings who own a home with a yard and no fence. Our house and yard are a sanctuary from our hectic professional lives.

Lately, the neighbor’s cat has been using our yard as a place to recline, and it hisses at me angrily when I tell it to go home. I’m not fond of cats, and I’m actually afraid of this one. Also, another neighbor and his kids have been using our yard as a thoroughfare from the property behind us to their own yard, which has a fence.

I don’t go into other people’s yards. I respect the space of other people. I expect that respect in return, and don’t want people tramping through our yard. We plan to plant more flower beds in the future, and they will be in the way of their path. Am I curmudgeonly to feel this way, or should other people respect our privacy and property?

     -Encroached Upon in Florida (Dear Abby, 10/31/2005)

     Dear Encroached Upon Person,

What you need is something that will cause your neighbors to respect your boundaries.  I recommend a dog.  A fierce dog can keep the neighborhood kids and the cat away from your back yard.  If, however, you are afraid of dogs, get a wolf.  A wolf will scare off the dog.  If you are scared of wolves, bring in a wolverine.  A wolverine will kill a wolf.  If you don’t want a wolverine around–and who can blame you?–I recommend you bring in a brown bear.  If the brown bear scares you, you had better move.  After all, what are you doing living in a neighborhood with a brown bear anyway?

     -The Fool has spoken.